Anonymous asked: I hope I don't offend you. I REALLY find your posts interesting, and I know you have a mental illness and I'm not saying it's a good thing, but it interests me and I'm going to study more of it. But, stay strong and I know you will get better. I'm sorry if that offended you :( x
It doesn’t offend me, I’ve had other people say similar things. I used to get mad over it in the past, but I realized that people are just drawn to things that are different. They don’t mean me any harm. So feel free to study psychosis/Schizophrenia, maybe you can find a way to help people like me. And thank you, I’m trying my hardest to get better.
Anonymous asked: ❤❤❤You are amazing❤❤❤
Who are these anons omg? Thank you for the sweet message!
Anonymous asked: I think you are so amazing, you are able to deal with your illness so well, I truly understand how hard it is to lead a normal life when you are experiencing psychosis and paranoia. I really hope you are able to beat your illness x
Thank you, that means a lot to me. It is very difficult but I’m trying my hardest because I do want a normal life. I want to go to college, get married, travel the world, etc. I won’t let this illness destroy me.
It’s messing with my sleep cycle. Sometimes I barely sleep and the medicine eats my dreams. (Dreams are important to me - I keep a dream journal - so this upsets me.) Sometimes I do dream but the dreams don’t have the mysterious, beautiful quality they once had. They’re just strange.
When you’re dealing with someone who has psychosis/Schizophrenia, don’t freak out when they tell you they’re hallucinating. Don’t freak out if what they’re saying is strange to you. Don’t tell them their paranoia or delusions are stupid. And definitely don’t freak out and act like the person is going to die. I’m saying this because (a few months ago) I made the mistake of telling my grandma about my symptoms and she flipped out. It only made me worse.
edit: Doing better now. The voices are getting quieter. I keep listening to this song, kiichi - Tsumariyuku Tameno Sequence (feat. Kagamine Rin), and it’s helping.
I’m trying to keep it together today. I’ve been hallucinating again. The voices are making me feel worthless. I feel like a worthless human being right now. They keep pointing out my flaws.
You sweat too much-
Your hair is ratty-
Your art has bad anatomy-
And so forth. But I’m trying not to tell my mom. I feel like I’m being a bad girl or disappointing her if I tell her. My mom wants me to be a big girl. So I need to be a big girl. I don’t think she suspects anything though. I can be good at putting on a smile - acting normal. I need to try and cope. If the voices start commanding me to hurt myself, I’ll have to tell her though. I wish Stripes was here… He’s a good kitty and always makes me feel better.
I hope I feel better tomorrow. I hope the voices go away by then. I hope this is just one offbeat day, not many.
Make me real again.
Bad things about my meds #1: They don’t stop people from putting thoughts into my head. It’s not funny, I hate it.
A few months ago I mentioned that my parents thought I might be faking my illness, so they had me go through psychological testing. The results came back today. The doctors have confirmed it, I’m 100% telling the truth about my illness. My parents doubted me because I have lied about things in the past. *cough*schoolgrades*cough*
Why would I fake psychosis?
Why would I want to suffer?
Why would I want to hear voices?
Why would I want to be delusional?
But I digress. It’s down on paper that I’m telling the truth and my whole family believes me now.
Yes, my house actually talks to me.
Yes, there’s a grey cat (Stripes) that follows me around.
Yes, there’s a woman (Izuna) who likes to torture me mentally.
Yes, I do think that people put thoughts into my head sometimes.
I’m not happy about being psychotic but happy that my family believes me now.
That was the good news. Now I have some bad news. I’ve also been diagnosed with a math learning disorder. (I forgot the name, I’ll ask my mom later.) This is bad because my dream is to major in physics. I’d like to be a physics professor. My mom said it might not be possible for me. But we’ll wait and see… (I cried my face off about it already.)
I know I care way too much about people and it’s something I need help with. But I’m so worried about my friend, I don’t know if I can take it anymore. At first I thought she was in the mental hospital, but now I keep thinking that she’s committed suicide. She lives in Illinois so I don’t have any way of contacting her other than skype, facebook, tumblr, etc. She didn’t even tell me what was going on. On the 18th, she left a cryptic message on her tumblr and then she disappeared. She was talking about her life getting worse…
It’s causing my psychosis to get worse again. I keep thinking that she’s in my head now. And that she thinks “they” are me. That I’m saying all those bad things about her. I’m not! It’s “them”!
Please, come back alive… I love you.
I’m so worried that I think I’m hallucinating. Right now - as I type this. I think one of my friends is in the mental hospital. She hasn’t been online in several days and she had been acting extremely irrational for the past week. I was just in the laundry room and when I turned around, she was there. She waved at me and I reached out to her. She didn’t say anything. I’m pretty sure that I’m hallucinating but a part of me is telling me that my friend has gone and killed herself - that what I’m seeing is her spirit. I’m scared that she might be inside my head now, hearing the bad things that “they” are saying about her.
I’m really confused right now.
I’m going to try playing Minecraft with my boyfriend to distract myself.
It’s not real, it’s not true… My friend is still alive, she’s fine…